Want to be happier? Want to be more productive?
Then you must have free time alone, free time to reconnect with who you are and what you really want in life, free time to just release and relax and recharge your batteries.
When you do return to your normal activities, you’ll be fresh and ready to go, and you’ll have your priorities straight and also the desire to get the important things done quickly and well.
Free Time Alone is Just for You
You choose what you want to do — walk, read, sleep, listen to music, play music, exercise — whatever makes you happiest.
It’s crucial that you alone determine what you do, and that you be alone when you do it. You need time away from your responsibilities and from the desires and needs of others.
3 Benefits of Free Time Alone
1. Relax Your Mind
The hustle and bustle of life overload your brain. Taking a break from it all lets your mind reach a calmer state that rejuvenates you and will make you more productive when you do resume your regular activities.
2. Relax Your Body
Tension accumulates in your muscles and nerves when you’re dealing with life’s obligations. Spending time alone allows you to let that go. You’ll return to your tasks with more energy and enthusiasm.
3. Recharge Your Creativity
Relaxing your mind and body allows your creativity to flow. Your best ideas can come during your alone time. Have a pen and paper or a recording device so you can capture them immediately: you likely won’t be able to relax completely if your mind has to hold one or more ideas until you get back to your office. I always have my digital voice recorder in my pocket to capture ideas. But don’t feel like you have to come up with ideas; just be ready for them if they do come.
Scheduling Free Time Alone
Take Time Every Day
Even if it’s just 15 minutes, make sure you fit it in.
Take Time Every Week
Give yourself 3 or 4 hours, even a whole day, on a weekly basis.
Take Time Every Year
You need at least a week a year by yourself. Do whatever you like. I typically take one or two hiking/camping trips in the mountains near Mount Shasta every summer. I also take at least one road trip. Think of it as a personal retreat.
Schedule your time in advance and make sure all the important people affected by your absence know you’ll be gone. Keep communication with the outside world to an absolute minimum; if you can, stay away from the Internet and keep your cell phone off.
Get Support for Free Time Alone
If you live with others, you’ll likely need to negotiate your free time alone. Discuss why it’s important to you, and also why it’s important for everyone in the household to do the same. Help everyone to get free time alone by having all agree to take over tasks and responsibilities for others as needed. Most people soon realize that they love their free time alone and will be more than willing to cooperate to make it happen.
Do You Get Enough Free Time Alone?
If not, why not, and what can you do to change that? What do you most like to do with your free time alone?
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
My time in solitude is like oxygen to me. It’s not optional.
I have solo free time daily for things like meditating, writing, gardening, walking, cloud watching, etc., and bigger chunks during the week for my ‘artist’s dates.’ I like to go hang out in the park and write, go to art shows, take in a movie . . . anything that really pulls me and resonates with me – especially if it’s something that others in my life don’t really like participating in.
I haven’t ever taken off for a week on my own. I’d love it though!
Jean, sounds like you are really living life. I also take time every day just for myself, including one or two sessions of tai chi.
Take a week if you can. It’s like taking a personal retreat where you can really listen to yourself and figure out what you really want.
Nice post John. I agree with all of it. I’ve always been something of a loner by nature, so my time alone is something I instinctively gravitate towards. I like the late night hours personally, when the world quiets down, my wife is asleep, and the phone doesn’t ring. I don’t usually actively search out longer periods of time, I tend to get my alone time in on a more or less daily basis, but when Samarra goes out of town, I end up with what you call a “personal retreat” anyway.
I think for a lot of go-go-go modern people, with so much time and attention going into virtual worlds where there is little or no physical activity, time alone can actually feel uncomfortable, especially if that time alone is “off-line”. I think learning to tolerate that discomfort and later developing a genuine love of alone time is really worth the effort. I see a lot of people these days who’re busy as Hell, hyperactive mentally, with little or no depth of feeling or substance in their lives. They seem to be “checking” things all the time: Facebook, myspace, email, phones, etc. but something seems missing to me. And that something might be the kind of inner connection to their own bodies, minds, hearts and guts, that can only come from being with themselves, alone. After all, Socrates did say “Know thyself” not “know thy friend’s status updates”…
Gene, you do a great job of getting your alone time.
I’m concerned about the people that are so plugged in to modern technology that they cannot fully relax, even when “alone.” When I’m on the computer, I’m doing the technology and connection thing. When I’m away from my computer, whether alone or out with others, I don’t have the cell phone on (usually), and I never check e-mail, etc.
More people just need to take themselves out for a nice walk in the woods and leave all the connection stuff behind.
This is a great tip. I always schedule at least an hour a day to think or read or write. Usually I use my time on public transportation to do this. Failing that, I tend to take a walk after work. That is extraordinarily helpful to me.
Great ideas John!
Mark, I really like the walks after work.
Public transportation is something you likely have to do to get to work and it’s not really voluntary. It does sound like you make the best use of that time, and that’s smart.
John: Great post and such an important point. I think it is easy to overlook the importance of free alone time, but it is so important. For me, I try to take advantage of every opportunity I have even in addition to those scheduled times. Whether it is driving to work or just going for a run, I try to maximize that time alone and use it to relax and calm my mind. Great post.
Ah, running!
I haven’t done much running in recent years, but when I was getting my master’s degree at UC Davis I used to run three times a week to a small park that had an outdoor fitness circuit, which I did.
I was so busy in grad school that this was my main time for myself, and I really treasured it.
I also enjoy driving alone, especially since most of my driving is on rural roads and I-5 in far northern California, meaning more deer and cows than cars and people.
Thanks for writing Sibyl!
I agree with everything you wrote. Though I cherish being with people I care about, as I get older I value being alone more and more, especially in nature.
Your idea of taking a week-long personal vacation alone is a good idea. I’ve paddled down the Lost Coast alone and backpacked alone several times. Each time I go out alone in nature, I’m on a vision quest of some sort. It’s rejuvenating.
Some people, because of job commitments, kids, and other responsibilities, don’t get enough alone time. For these folks, it’s especially important to find time to be with their selves, even for just a few minutes a day in meditation, contemplation, musing, strolling, relaxing.
Eric, I’ve also done long backpacking trips alone, primarily in the Trinity Alps in northern California. Those days alone traveling through the high mountains are some of my most treasured memories. (Of course, I got into major trouble a couple of times when hiking cross-country, but I survived.)
Many people do have busy lives. Like you say, even a few minutes each day can really help.
yes these days i am need of spending some time on my own, i used to do so earlier and i experienced the benefits you mentioned , thanks John
Farouk, I hope you do take the time for yourself. I find I get the time back because I’m more efficient when I work.
Hi John,
We are living more in a crowded atmosphere and a lot more than that is the noise is louder too. Thus, free time alone can mean a whole lot. I believe what you’re saying above in the article in terms of finding self even in rejuvenation is worth practicing on a consistent basis as much as we communicate.
Some of the ways I tend to get free time is to just close my eyes, meditate maybe for a whole 5-10 minutes, you know just to free my mind. Talk a walk, enjoy some fresh air. Well, it may seem like breaks but these are me-time.
Thanks so much for sharing some of the tips.
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Hi John,
I agree with you. I normally take some of the weekends(every other week) off just to spend time with myself and with my family. Because we can only work so much, eventually we will lose gas and burnout like every other person in the world. We’re not robots.
Relax a bit.
I take some time every day, and at least one day a week. I also take several vacations a year.
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